.....from Barry's Bunker.....

(with thanks to Harry The Cat)


You are considered a Redneck if ......


- Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
- You've ever used lard in bed.
- You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
- There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house.
- You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
- Less than half the cars you own run.
- Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips when she tells the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
- Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by the ceiling fan.
- Your mother has ever been involbed in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
- You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
- The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
- Your brother-in-law is also your Uncle.
- You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for Best Picture.
- You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading and like the pictures too.
- You prominently display the gift you bought at Graceland.
- The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute".
- Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
- You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- The most common phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
- You think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups.
- You think Campho-phenique is a miracle drug.
- You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
- Your father encouraged you to quit school because Larry had an opening on the lube rack.
- You think Volvo is a part of a woman's anatomy.
- You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- You've been too drunk to fish.
- You have a rag for a gas cap.
- You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.